I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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