i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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