Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
