stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize