cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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