I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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