he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
