just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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