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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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