The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
