Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
