We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
