My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
