I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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