Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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