chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
