Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
