Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
