I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
