Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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