found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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