You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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