i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
