Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
