Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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