i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
