all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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