I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
