sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
