My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
