I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
