Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
