listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You pole danced in your parka.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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