I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
