I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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