We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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