when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
