Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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