Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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