they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
