The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
