walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
