this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
