The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there was a trapeze. enough said
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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