i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
