She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
God, I missed his penis.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
