i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
