nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
