This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You ate ashes out of my bong
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
