U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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