Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
